What was she doing here? What was I doing here? Why has she been lying to me? Why has she been hiding? Who or what caused this?
Questions rained down and flooded my mind. I was drowning in my insecurity and confusion.
“-if only you all coul-”
“Mom!” I suddenly interjected.
She lowered her head as her eyes slowly shut. She swallowed, tightened her lips until they were nothing but a white crease, and shifted her gaze onto me with a look on her face as if she just tasted the bitterness of black coffee for the first time.
“Can you not just tell us why we’re here? Why you’re here? I thought you were dead! I graduated, went to the prom, had my heart broken…. I grew up without my mom to stand beside me and tell me that she’s proud, that she loves me, and that everything will be alright. I have spent the past seven years missing you every day, as you’ve been sitting here, doing what? Laughing about how you had me fooled? Why are you here?”
“I don’t expect your forgiveness, Alicia, however I do pray for it. But that is not why you’re here. It’s not why any of you are here. I have made a lot of mistakes and I greatly resent each one of them. If only I could explain, honey. But I can’t. You’ll know soon enough.”
She lifted herself out of her chair and walked past me, brushing her hand along my shoulder. My family and I watched her as she exited out of the room. We looked at one another, probably all thinking the same thing, why are none of us going after her? But there was something strange about this place. Something unwelcoming but we were drawn to it. I know we all felt it, we couldn’t leave but we didn’t want to stay.
My father, sitting on the other side of the semi-circle looked at me and smiled, like he always has during trying times. Why does he seem to have no emotion? His wife, the love of his life, is alive! Shouldn’t he be happy? Maybe he knows something. But why would he hide it from me? We’ve been so close ever since my mom’s “death,”what would he ever have to lie to me about?
As more and more questions filed in, I became more and more uneasy. Nausea over came me and I had to do everything I could to hold myself together. I felt like I was melting, like there was nothing holding me together, my solidity was dissolving and answers were my only solvent.
I pushed myself up and turned to my family. “Does anyone know what’s going on? Why do I feel like I’m the only one who’s lost right now? Why am I here? Why are any of us here?”
“Because of me..” A voice so familiar, but so distant whispered behind me.
As I turned around, my confusion was no longer only a down pour, it became a hurricane.
To Be Contined…