I haven’t learned
why my soul has yet
to bare its pearly bone
outwards; instead, it turns
toward me and grins,
exposing the jagged
white stones which threaten
to gnaw at my core.
They gnash and grind
against themselves
as the dull sounds
grate inside of me.
A short poem that I havent decided if I want to add to, or leave as-is. Let me know what you think!
Really nice write. I like it as-is
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Thank you! 🙂
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I’d leave it alone. It’s very good! Should let the readers mind apply it where it fits.
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That’s what I wasn’t sure about… make it vague or leave it clear lol. Thank you!
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Certainley. (Tipping my hat.)
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I say, let it be. It’s fitting as is.
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Thanks! 🙂
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I believe the Beatles have whispered their words of wisdom…
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What do you mean?
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Nevermind…. haha took me a second. Clever 😉
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Ita superb… let it be..
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Thank you!
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Perfect. Let it be in its short and complete form.
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Thank you! 🙂
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when one’s poetry came out from heart its beauty of feeling always has value so never feel short poem this is great
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Thank you very much. I just have a habit of being vague sometimes and I wasn’t too confident with this.
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I would be inclined to say, it feels complete to me, but of course, the final decision is yours!
“exposing the jagged
white stones which threaten
to gnaw at my core”
I know how that feels… you captured it perfectly. well done.
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Thank you very much! 🙂
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Leave it be, I say! It’s lovely!
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Thank you! 🙂
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‘I haven’t learned
why my soul
has yet
to bare
its pearly
bone outwards;’
You can always play with a poem’s structure…love the poem though. just a thought.
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That would slow it down too much for my taste. Structure, line and stanza breaks, whether the poem in centered or right aligned, if I break into another stanza in the middle of a sentence, etc. is something I’m extremely, extremely picky about, haha. I made it into a single stanza and medium sized lines to group it as a continous thought, where breaths are a bit more natural rather than making the reader pause after every other word.
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Love it as it is!
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Thank you!
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I agree – let it be 🙂
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Thank you 🙂
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🙂 splendid verse
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Thanks!!
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I love this. On reading this through once or twice, I liked it as it was; loved it actually. However, and gosh, I’m hoping that everyone won’t hate me but I’m thick skinned and I live far away from everyone. With that in mind, I was going to say that I would finish it off with another sentence or two. That’s not taking anything away from what you’ve already penned. I think I’ll leave now.
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Haha, no one will hate you! Adding a few more lines is kind of what I thought too, actually. But I had trouble thinking of what to write and wasn’t sure whether to just leave it a bit more up to interpretation, or what to do with it.
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Go with your gut instinct. I love it just as it is.
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Sounds frustrating, that battle to expose those bones. Very well put.
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It is… Thank you 🙂
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Really nice how you ended this.
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Glad you liked it 🙂
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I vote ‘as-is’… if my vote counts for anything.
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It does! Thank you!
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