Perched in the window
sill, staring out at the birds
luring them to him.
Eyes glide back and forth,
mirroring the swift movement
of her loose shoe lace.
Stealthily crouching
behind the love seat ready
to pounce on his prey.
Lounging atop the
tower, away from every
thing and everyone.
Reluctance radiates from her
curved spine and trembling limbs.
They all can see her nerves
sitting comfortably
on her shoulders,
whispering sour melodies of inadequacy and failures she may never experience,
but already owns the scars from.
She’s quiet, they say
to each other, but
never ask her why.
If she could, she would
recite the constant aria
that she hears behind her ears.
But her anxiety pins
her mouth shut,
and expects her hold it all in.
She’s distant, they say
to each other, but
never come to her.
Her mind wanders and she wonders
how she can continue.
She cries alone, wishing
someone would somehow know.
But–
One day,
she will be able
to steady herself,
she will roll her shoulders back,
and stand tall.
One day,
she will be able
to unfasten her lips,
and bandage her wounds.
One day,
she will.
I want to write poems
of hope and inspiration.
poetry that wields
power and strength.
But all that comes
from my pen
touching paper,
is fragments
of feelings deep
in the hollow
of my heart.
Those dark,
unwanted thoughts
that tease my body
into insomnia
and fester
into jagged
emotions scrambled
all over my face.
I can’t be at peace.
I can’t be me.
I can’t-
be.
the piercingly sharp
teeth of my mind’s
mouth persistently
snap and snarl
in the face
of my weakening
spirit.
self-
loathing.
deprecation.
unappreciation.
my brain won’t
quiet itself
but my heart
is too numb now
to fight the noise.
Here–
Simple words
drip
from vacant voices,
mindless tongues.
Empty sounds
fill the unfamiliar
surroundings.
Heart pounding,
forcing smiles.
Eyes staring,
palms resting
on my shoulders.
Here–
My hands quietly rattle
the light grocery bag
holding
my past
as I follow them
to a room.
my room
They say they’re here
for me,
they say they care.
But all I hear
are vague sounds
echoing
from the mouths
of strangers.
Simple words
that have been said before.
Here–
is now
home.
Their song is sung
in even the darkest of nights.
Bringing the world around them
once more to life.
Their voices-
so vibrant,
so vivid,
so poignant,
and clear.
Gives them strength
to face their fears.
For the sparrow sings
its songs of life
in moments of power
and in moments of strife.
No matter how far
they may roam
the song of their soul
makes the world their home.
The song sparrows are one of the most adaptable animals on earth and can live in the best-or worst- of situations, and throughout it all, they continue to sing.
I think these birds can teach us a thing or two.
Sneaking a small glance
over my left shoulder
to gather a glimpse of who,
of what
I once was.
Never were my sights
set on my past,
but now my eyes
can’t seem to stray
from a looking-glass
perspective.
The longer I look,
the closer I become.
No.
Keep my eyes straight,
keep my mind steady.
Grow–
don’t fade.
*It’s crazy where your mind will take you when you just start typing away with no planned thought. This is the first poem I have written in about a year and a half so please be kind. It was written in less than 5 minutes and I had no idea where this was going when I started typing, so I guess you can consider it “freestyle”? haha
August 2016… the last time I logged in on this blog and wow, so, so much has changed.
Over a year ago, I took a *much longer than intended* break from blogging, social media, and writing all together because I felt that because of all of the real world commitments I had made, I couldn’t commit to much in this virtual world. While life stressors seem to be building and life seems to be growing more and more hectic by the hour, I still feel empty. I feel like I’m missing something, that I’m not doing something that I’m supposed to be doing- which feels very similar to walking into a room and forgetting why. It’s aggravating, frustrating, and you feel taunted by your forgetfulness.
I recently downloaded Google Docs so that I could write something for grad-school (Social Work), and came across my rough, ROUGH draft of a poetry book I started about 2 years ago. I hadn’t looked at it since leaving this blog. It flooded my heart and filled that strange void I was feeling.
I plan get back into the rhythm of things and get my flow back… get it… rhythm and flow… like a poem..? Ah, forget it!
ANYWAY, without further ado, I just wanted to re-introduce myself to this wonderful community. I hope we will get to know one another soon!
❤ Allison
The inconsistency of my thoughts
tangles me with myself.
I am unable to control
the footsteps of my mind.
As my left leg longs
to step right,
my right leg reaches
to the left,
yet I know
that I should only move forward.
I trip over myself
and fall more times
than I can stand,
so I remain
twisted
on the path to virtue.
I ache at the memory
of your unclouded eyes,
as I recall the clear,
crystalline reflection
that vividly portrayed
me–
Only me.
Now, when I catch glimpse,
I see that the galaxy
has erupted
and each and every star
fell into your eyes.
Blinded by the reflections
that now infest your mind,
you can no longer
remember mine.
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